icon
Oh my God its true
how are yall gonna share this all and not mention that the muppet with the fraggle rack is named Arieola Borealis
every single addition to this post caused additional psychic damage i hit 0hp at ‘fraggle rack’
official boob post
The person next to me in the train station is eating dicks and it smells so damn good
Wait wait fuck goddamn, dicks is a burger brand, there is not a woman giving head right next to me, she is eating fries and I’m hungry for FRIES
notabotiswearbabes asked:
Man I put my groceries on the ground for five (5) seconds and spiderman fucking webs them. Fuck that guy
notahorseindisguise answered:
did he fucking throw them at the green goblin. god i hate when that happens i parked outside a target and ran inside just to grab a loaf of bread and i come back out and got to watch as my fucking toyota corolla was flung down the street at sandman
sandman is made of sand. it didnt even do anything to him. fuck you spiderman
this person is lying and i have NEVER thrown a person at a villain. however i am sorry about your car i did do that
the groceries were just cause i was hungry
like on a villain or just a pedestrian ???
@nycswebhead what do you have to say for yourself
it was j jonah jameson
last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere
this post has haunted me for like 3 years. every time i start to think i imagined it, it shows up on my dash again and then immediately disappears into the ether for another 17 months
What makes this even funnier is if you’re a rich guy and do this the actual poker players will shower you with praise and stroke your ego (especially when you win hands through sheer variance) and say you’re great and to keep doing what you’re doing because they’re just siphoning money from you and want you to keep it up. Like, that’s the original definition of a “whale” in the gambling sense
It’s easier said than done it’s like a 50/50 shot if it crumbles to dust or not during the process
This is like discovering an ancient folk art form you'd never heard of
I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off
so there's basically two reasons he would need to do this and they're both funny
- his magical honda unsummoned while he was in Walmart; this means it's not even a real car and could look like anything and he picked or was forced somehow to pick a Honda Accord
- his normal honda was left someplace while he came to Walmart by other means, and he can teleport the car to him more easily than he can teleport himself places
there's also the idea that he drove to walmart in his honda accord, and then when he got out he either forgot where he parked or wanted to skip like 20 seconds of walking so he just summons it right in front of the door
To not have to find a parking space, most wizards keep their Honda Accords in a extradimensional oubliette when not driving. This also saves on garage space.
Clearly the wizard had to summon his Honda Accord because someone stole it while he was shopping. The carjacker is now tumbling violently down the freeway like a source engine ragdoll
spells that instantly summon vehicles are pretty elaborate, and have a high risk of clipping into something and causing serious damage. instead, imagine this:
the wizard casts his grand spell, the light around him flares, and then, across the parking lot, you see his honda accord begin slowly and carefully driving itself to his location. this takes several minutes.
So, he definitely forgot where he parked, then.
i think a honda accord is what you get for graduating from the wizard academy instead of a diploma. you know someone took the wizard ged if they have another unkillable car like a toyota camry imported from the shadow dimension.
cats don't even unstick their claws out of things anymore they will just sit there with their claw stuck in a blanket and look at you like this until you unstick it for them
Nobody wants to work anymore
she tower on my babel till I ἐπιούσιον
ok but you just saved my ass 30 minutes of research by explaining the joke and now i can laugh at it sooner you didn't make it not funny you made it funny faster